When your kid comes home from school and you ask them how their day wast? Common answer is "good"; If you’re lucky your child may share a few details then hide away in their room.

Most of the time they are fine, but not always; behind closed doors your adolesent may be experiencing severe anxiety. According to the National Institute of Health, 1 in 3 adolescents from ages 13 to 18 will experience an anxiety disorder and these numbers will  continue to rise in 2021. In this article we will share five common causes of anxiety in adolescence that you may not be aware of. Society is constantly changing, meaning people are constantly changing. What your child is experiencing now, is different from what you experienced. It’s crucial for us to take the time to understand what our adolescents are experiencing rather than just assume. Today we are discussing what causes anxiety in adolescents and 5 simple strategies to help support them.

We're familiar with the word “anxiety” but we may not be familiar with the feeling of anxiety because anxiety shows up differently for each person. The best way we can help our adolescents is through educating ourselves on the topic. The best way we can educate ourselves is by listening to our adolescents and being open to what they need.

Common causes of Anxiety in Adolescence:

1. Not being heard
   
   
2. Lack of communication
   
   
3. Constantly pointing out all of the things they are doing wrong
   
   
4. Expectations from family and friends
   
   
5. Comparing self to others
   

Anxiety Trigger 1 - Listening

Coming from someone who’s grown up with an anxiety disorder the number one thing I wish I had growing up was someone to listen to me. Anxiety can feel isolating, it can feel scary. It’s hard for a young person to deal with anxiety on their own. What can make anxiety ten times worse is when no one is there to listen. Never underestimate the power of listening. If you notice your adolescent is overtly quiet or pulling away, it's best to create a comfortable space for them to share what’s on their mind. Never get angry or force them to speak if they're not opening up, be patient and continue to reach out until they are comfortable enough to share. 

It can take a long time for your child to open to you, it’s not easy to admit you’re struggling. The best thing you can do for your adolescent is to create a comfortable, safe and supportive environment so that eventually your child feels comfortable enough to open up to you. 

Anxiety Trigger 2 - Communication

Are you communicating with your adolescent on a daily basis? A big cause of anxiety is trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. If you aren’t clearly communicating what you are thinking/feeling to your adolescent this can make them feel anxious and isolated. You may think you are doing your adolescent a favour by keeping secrets from them but your adolescent is not a child anymore; they want to have honest conversations with you. Even if it makes you uncomfortable it is extremely important to have open conversations with your adolescent so they know what’s going on around them. Never over share the struggles you are experiencing but just be open about sharing what is going on in the household so they aren’t left guessing or wondering. If you aren’t communicating and being straight forward with your adolescent they will know and will soon enough find out. The best thing you can do is to be open and communicate with them. This will help relieve the anxiety they may be experiencing. People experiencing anxiety like to be in control as much as possible and so being on top of what’s going on in their life helps them feel more in control and ultimately less anxious.

Anxiety Trigger 3 - Criticism

We all want our loved ones to succeed. Especially our children but sometimes this can get the best of us and can lead to us being too hard on our children. Say your adolescent gets a bad grade in school or they get into a fight with someone. Your first reaction may be to punish them or be super upset with them. What if you took the time to openly communicate and listen to what they have to say about it. Many times when our child makes mistakes we can get super upset but if we are able to understand what lead up to the event this can help us support our adolescent rather than judge them. Adolescents respond really well to encouragement. At the end of the day they are doing their best and if they make a mistake or are having trouble this isn’t entirely their fault. They most likely just need more support and likely just made a mistake. We need to allow adolescents to make mistakes and we need to support them when they do. Judging, critiscizing and shaming our adolescents can make them extremely anxious. The best thing we can when adolescents “fail” or make mistakes is to have open discussions, to support them and to come up with solutions with them. Rather than shame, judge and criticize them. A mistake/failure doesn’t define our children they teach them important lessons so we need to be there to teach them in a supportive way and guide them in a  positive direction.

Anxiety Trigger 4 - Expectations

Adolescents deal with a lot of pressure from their friends, family and peers. These pressures can lead to high anxiety. Pressure comes from expectations and our adolescents are expected to do a lot. Adolescents feel pressure to do well in school, have a social life, look their best, work towards a positive future, get a good sleep, eat well and enjoy their life. These type of expectations can cause severe anxiety and it’s not healthy to have to meet all of these expectations. When adolescents can’t keep up with these expectations they easily start feeling anxious. As mentioned earlier in this article anxiety comes from a lack of control and when adolescents don’t feel in control of their future, their grades, their social life etc. this can be very very anxiety provoking. The best thing we can do is to let our adolescents know that they are enough the way they are and to provide them with an outlet that they enjoy and are able to succeed in. If your child has an outlet for example: a sport, a club, a hobby this can help them feel accomplished and can be very therapeutic for dealing with the pressures of their everyday life.

Number 5 - Comparing

One pressure I didn’t mention above is the pressure teens put on themselves. This can sometimes be the biggest pressure in your adolescents life. You would never know if your adolescent is being hard on themselves because it’s something going on between them and themselves. Comparison is a huge pressure adolescents put on themselves, they are constantly comparing themselves to their peers wondering if they are good enough. As mentioned above your adolescent could be comparing their grades to their peers, their social life, their appearance, their future .. etc. Especially with the instant access to social media .. adolescents can spend hours comparing themselves to others. They can even compare themselves to someone they don’t even know. This is a huge trigger for anxiety, comparison is very anxiety provoking. The best thing we can do, in this case, is to teach our adolescents to focus on their strengths, their talents and to celebrate who they are and what they have accomplished. Instead of teaching our adolescents to seek approval from others we need to teach them how to seek approval from themselves. The best way to do that is to set a healthy example by being kind to ourselves and to talk positively about ourselves so our adolescent learns how to talk positively to themself. Teach your adolescent to celebrate others instead of envying others, teach them that life is not a competition and that everyone can succeed and be happy.

These are just a few common causes of anxiety for adolescents. Once we understand we as parents play a big part in helping relieve our child's anxiety, we can help them release it in a safe space. At the end of the day, we've all experienced similar feelings growing up, whether the experiences are different .. feelings are universal. The second we start to use these feelings to relate to our adolescents the sooner they will start to relate to us. Listening, communicating, encouraging, supporting and living by example are all strategies that you can use to help support your adolescent. The more support your adolescent has the more likely they are to succeed in life. Be an ally not an enemy in your child's life.

Extra strategies you can use to help be an ally, in your adolescent's life:

1. Set goals with them, teach them to focus on themselves, focus on what they are good at, let them know that they can go at their own pace, do daily/weekly check ins to see how they are feeling, encourage them by celebrating the small wins
   
   
2. Communication !! - share feelings, create a safe place for them to share what they are feeling
   
   
3. Allow your child to explore different activities, different friend groups, encourage change, encourage uniqueness, share resources about self image, make sure your child has time each day for self care so they feel good. 
   
   
4. Allow your child to express themselves the way they want to.
   
   
5. Give your adolescent more options to give them a sense of control over their life. Give them opportunities to take control and responsibility over their life.